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| L to R: Brother and his wife - Dad and Ma Dowdy Grandmother in the front - Mel and her son - Mom in back |
The question continues to plague me: Why did my grandmother uproot her grief-stricken daughter from this tight-knit community and place her with an aunt who lived two hours away?
To date, I've looked at the extended family who lived in Boone Prairie, TX at the time of my grandfather's death. Several other family members experienced similar tragedies, and yet they found relatives in close proximity willing to care for the young left behind.
Did they reject my mom? That seems doubtful. The family bonds were tight, going back for generations. Yes, perhaps Ma Miles "kicked them out" ... but there were many other relatives who would have opened their doors to an eight-year-old.
Did my grandmother reject them? To date, I've leaned toward this theory. I think my grandmother wanted a way out of the small-town community. I think she yearned for adventure and independence. She saw secretarial school in Houston as her ticket out. Part of the research supports this hypothesis.
But what if there is another perspective?
Was Mom's aunt the ideal solution? All this time I've viewed the story from Mom's perspective. A little girl loses her daddy. Then she temporarily loses her mom for two to three years. She is left in a home where she feels unwelcomed and "treated like Cinderella" (Mom's version of the tale). It all sounds so cruel and unfair.
But what if I look at the situation from my grandmother's point of view?
She needs to support herself and her daughter. She has the determination and courage to venture to the big city and embark on a new life. She just needs a little help with childcare. She loves her little girl and wants to do what is best for both of them.
I decided to research Mel's genealogy (my grandmother's younger sister) to see if I might discover the possibility of a different narrative.
Mel's Story
Mel was born 04 AUG 1910, nearly three years after my grandmother. Their younger brother was born five years later. Knowing a little about sibling relationships, I assume the girls kept each other company, but there was also some rivalry.Grandmother married Floyd Miles the day after her 18th birthday. Since Floyd's aunt (Laura Jane Miles) married Grandmother's uncle (John W Dowdy), I assume the two of them knew each other from birth and saw each other often. Perhaps they knew from a young age they would marry. Floyd was five years older and maybe they were just waiting for Grandmother to be of legal age.
Interesting to note, Homer Arnold is teaching with Eunice Leamon (Nellie's younger sister) in White Rock -- a rural community about 15 miles north of Franklin and 40 miles southwest of Prairie Grove.
I make note of this because on 04 JUN 1932 Mel Dowdy marries Noble David Arnold (Homer's brother) in Trinity County (Arnold's family hometown). A few weeks later, Homer marries Nellie Leamon in Robertson County (Leamon's family hometown). Seems to me the new teachers did some socializing outside of school.
I don't know much about Noble David (sometimes referred to as "Jack") except his father was a cotton ginner. While they settled in Trinity County and lived there for decades, the 1930 census shows the Arnold family (Noble and Homer included) living in Robertson County.
On 07 OCT 1935 Mel and Noble gave birth to Mel LeJean in Robertson County. However, a month later, on 24 NOV 1935, the little girl died in Trinity County (about 110 miles west).
A year later, on 03 AUG 1936, Homer and Nellie gave birth to Lucy Nell. That sweet infant girl died the next day.
Six months later, on 06 FEB 1936, Floyd passes away.
Since Mel has recently experienced loss, she knows what her sister is going through. By this time Mel and Noble could still be living in Trinity County ... or perhaps they've already moved to Waller County (where their son will be born in January 1938). Waller County is only sixty miles west of Houston -- half the distance of Robertson County. This proximity to the city might allow my grandmother to visit her young daughter more often than if she stayed with extended family in Boone Prairie.
A Plausible Theory
If I put myself in my grandmother's shoes, I might have made the same decision. Her sister is grieving the loss of a newborn and perhaps a young child in the house might raise her spirits. My grandmother is grieving the loss of a husband and yet needs to take practical steps to support herself. She cannot go to school and take care of a child, so she chooses the family member who can give her daughter the attention she needs AND who lives in close proximity.
Mel seems to be the ideal choice.
But in reality, it does not quite turn out that way.
By 1940 Mel, Noble, their infant son, and Mom are living in Fayette County, Texas -- another rural area about 105 miles west of Houston. Noble is a "stationary engineer" on the Texas-New Mexico oil pipeline. He lists his place of employment as Midland, Texas -- a six-hour drive from Fayette County.
Mel is home alone much of the week. She is responsible for the care of a toddler and a pre-adolescent. I don't think she coped well.
As Mom tells the story, Mel made her do the dishes and make up the beds as part of earning her keep. She kept the dried breakfast and lunch dishes in the sink until Mom returned home from school. Mom was always treated as the fifth wheel. A real-life Cinderella story.
Of course, there was no way of knowing this future when my grandmother made the original plans. She did the best she could with the information she had.
And yet I'm still curious... why did they completely sever ties with all the relatives in Robertson County??
Obviously, I have more research to do.
Postscript
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| 1971 - my aunt's wedding My brother and I in the front From L to R: Mel - her brother and his wife - Mom my aunt and her husband |
Noble enlisted in the Navy in October 1940, leaving Mel completely alone to raise their son. He returned in 1944, and they lived together for a short while in Houston. By 1948 Noble had remarried. Mel remained single.
My only memories of Mel are around the Thanksgiving dinner table. She would come with her grandson (I think) who was a couple of years younger than me. Mel was outspoken and rather gruff. Even as a young child, I remember feeling tension around that table. I don't know if it was Mom's memories of living with her aunt, or if was Grandmother's disappointment in how things turned out.
The last time I saw Mel was at my aunt's wedding in 1971. She passed away on 31 OCT 1986.
So interesting. Don't you wish people would have left more information about these things and relationships? Even so, you have done well to figure out this much. Times were so different then than they are today. Women didn't have the freedoms and opportunities we have today, and so they had to make decisions that were sometimes very hard, but they did the best they could. Perhaps your mother was made stronger and more compassionate because of the way she was having to live as a child. I often wonder how things might have been different if my grandmother had not been given up for adoption as an infant and if she had been raised by her birth mother. Of course, I probably wouldn't be here...God works these things together for the good of all, past, present, future generations. He sees what we don't see, and He knows best. Someday in heaven it will all make sense. But it is still fun trying to figure it out. You are doing a good job!
ReplyDeleteSo fascinating! I'm intrigued, and need to read more of your posts...lol.
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